I woke up today with a strange desire to bake. This is strange for many reasons: I don't know how to bake, I'm trying to eat healthy, and who has time to bake today? And then I looked at the calendar at it made sense. My dear friend Ashley, and one of the most incredible bakers I've ever know, passed away 5 years ago today.
The initial shock of your passing can be remembered like it was just yesterday. I just spent the last little while combing through photos and posts and memories and reflecting on how quickly, and slowly, time has passed. As much as I have a love-hate relationship with social media, this was one of the love days: to be able to reminisce about memories, read old blogs and hear your voice in my head, scroll through old photos and the stories that they evoked. As little as we had online, it's nice to have something 'tangible' to look at and it makes me wish that we took more photos. (Maybe that's why I've become more of a photo person over the last few years?)
I can't help but wonder how things would be today if we were able to physically see and speak to each other instead of through our thoughts and hearts, but I think it would have a lot to do with talking about future travels (and diving), you baking me goodies and then us promptly trying to figure out a way to eat and live healthier, all the new books that we'd be reading, and everything in between. Sigh. I can't help but be a little sad today because I miss you and a little mad today because we didn't get enough time together and a little glad today because I appreciate the time we did have. Even though you're gone, you reminded me to read more, drink more water, write more, and love more. (I would say bake more, but we both know how that'll end up.)
Facebook reminded me of the status I posted 5 years ago, and it's still very true today:
"You know the friends and family you have in your life? They're actually angels in disguise. Hug them. Love them. Cherish them. Because before you know it they'll have to go back to where they came from, so enjoy all the time you have with them until then."